Free Republic

Washington- The Capitol was briefly evacuated this morning when a fire alarm pull station was activated on the senate floor after an argument amongst the South Carolina delegation. Senator Lindsey Graham (REPUBLICAN) was later arrested by Capitol Police in a bed room at John McCain's (REPUBLICAN) nearby town home and charged with the false alarm. Unnamed sources present on the floor at the time say Senators Graham (REPUBLICAN) and Jim DeMint (REPUBLICAN) were having a heated discussion over Graham's recent vote in favor of Elaine Kagan’s successful nomination to the United States Supreme Court, as well as his general squishiness....

Rhinebeck, NY - Bill Clinton threw a wild bachelor party last night for his future son-in-law, Marc Mezvinsky. Chelsea Clinton wasn’t happy. Bill Clinton insisted on throwing a bachelor party for his future son-in-law, over the strong objections of his beautiful daughter, Chelsea. But when Bill wants something, Bill gets it. And what he wanted was… girls, girls, girls! The former President brought in seventy-five strippers, pole dancers, and contortionists to the “whipped-cream” themed party held for Marc Mezvinsky at the Veranda House in Rhinebeck. Marc was reluctant, but Bill told him, “You’re a Clinton now son, so you have...

Wheat Ridge, Colorado homeowner, 82-year-old Robert Wallace, has been charged with attempted first degree murder for firing shots at two men who stole his trailer. The thieves—Damacio Torres and Alvara Cardano—have prior arrest records and are suspected of being in the country illegally. Jefferson County District Attorney, Scott Storey called the shooting completely unjustified. “First of all, at best, Wallace was confronting persons engaged in a property crime. The appropriate response is to let the property be taken. If it can later be located and he can prove it is rightfully his he may get it back. As it turned...

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible obamanation. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market...

Since Arizona recently passed a law allowing state government officials to inquire about the immigration status of people during a lawful stop, the following has happened (or will soon happen); 1) President Obama has stated he will have his Justice Department look into whether this Arizona law (which closely tracks our unenforced federal laws) violates the Civil Rights of people in Arizona. 2) The City of Los Angeles (which, as I understand it, is flat broke) has cancelled $7 million worth of contracts with the state of Arizona. 3) Their sole NBA team, the Phoenix Suns, has shown solidarity with...

Yid With Lid: He was giving the key note speech at a Washington Institute For Near East Policy and started it out with a "joke" that borders on anti-Semitic, teaching the crowd that Jews are just greedy merchants in the same vein as Shakespeare's Shylock... Editor's note: For Yid With Lid's full post on "The Joke" see the related link below. "• Yid With Lid: Jews are greedy merchants YouTube video 

As I celebrate the freeing of my people from bondage, praying for the day when all people can be free (and adding the traditional 'next year in Jerusalem'), it was hard to ignore the intentional slap in the face by the RNC. The RNC reimbursed a donor for the few thousand they spent at a 'Bondage themed night club'. Coincidence; I think not. The donor may have repaid the expense, but the slap is still there.

Washington—Rather than hunt down the suspected terrorists and reopen the U.S. Embassy in Yemen, President Barack Obama has decided to surrender and withdraw all American interests. The surrender came at the end of unilateral talks with Al Qaeda and the Yemeni government. All agreed that “it would in the best interest for the United States to surrender and withdraw from Yemen entirely.” The surrender also included giving Florida to Yemen, and four locations of their choosing to set up Al Qaeda terrorist training camps, noting “that it will be easier to spot terrorists at home than sending the Central Intelligence...

Wanda Sykes- liberal lesbian black woman comedian, called Barack Obama a fancy christmas package you are all excited to get, but then you open it up and it turns out to be a 3 pack of underwear Then she went on a 5 minute monologue about "Is this it?" and "We had high hopes" and even "if this is the best he can do he is REALLY going to screw up for the next black president.. It was actually funny

STOP THE PRESSES! After doing a search on a number of links to the controversial emails which have been leaked or hacked from the Hadley Climate Research Center, it has been discovered that they are most likely FAKE. An examination of the emails in detail shows that they used proportional fonts, which were not available at the time of George Bush's stint in the Texas Air National Guard. "He played on our FEARS!" thundered a visibly upset Al Gore, screaming from a prepared statement. "He BETRAYED THIS COUNTRY!" Mary Mapes was unavailable for comment.

Breaking News (News/Activism) FLASH: Barack Obama wins Top Chef Las Vegas, awarded FOUR Michelin Stars (out of 3) BREAKING:Obama wins the Cy Young Award Breaking: NHL cancels season, awards Stanley Cup to Barack Obama (And other news) BREAKING: Obama wins "Survivor" reality show! BREAKING! obama wins "American Idol" BREAKING: Obama Wins All Events at 2012 Olympics! Obama Named Miss Hooters 2010 Barack Obama inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!!! Barack Obama becomes New Santa Clause BREAKING: OBAMA WINS THE AMAZING RACE!!! Barack Obama Wins Indianapolis 500! BREAKING: Obama Wins Dancing with the Stars Trophy - Rest of Season...

Hi, kids. My name is Barack Obama and I'm the President of the United States. I'm sure you all know what that means. It means you have to do whatever I tell you because if you don't, I can take away your mommy and daddy and you'll never see them again. So listen real carefully, OK? I know a lot of you haven't been paying much attention to the argument we grown-ups are having about health-care reform. That's all right. It's really complicated stuff. Most of your parents have no idea what it's all about either. All you really need...

FReep this poll: what kind of senator will Al Franken be?

***NEWS FLASH ***Washington (AP) In a surprise move today, the Obama Administration announced newly proposed rules that prohibit food from being grown in dirt because of the danger of salmonella contamination.Although alternative technologies don’t yet exist to replace dirt, and hundreds of millions people in the United States are likely to perish from starvation in the next few years, the Obama Administration said that a few people died last year from food contaminated with salmonella and that drastic action was therefore necessary to protect the American public from unsafe food. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs added that the...

One week after President Barack Obama's top law enforcement official seemed to indicate the feds would no longer raid pot clubs, DEA agents busted a medical marijuana facility in San Francisco Wednesday night. As agents carried large plastic containers of marijuana plants out of Emmalyn's California Cannabis Clinic at 1597 Howard Street, a small crowd of protesters formed a gauntlet outside the door, booing the agents and chanting, "our medicine is marijuana … listen to Obama!" DEA spokeswoman Casey McEnry told CBS 5 the documents regarding the raid are sealed, so the DEA was not able to give any details....

Last year during the presidential campaign, some comedians explained the reason there were so many more jokes being made on television about John McCain than Barack Obama was because nothing about Obama was funny.  The One was a bit too perfect and free of flaws to provide much fodder for joke writers.  Never mind that he had said there were 57 states.  Or that he frequently stammered through sections of speeches when his teleprompter malfunctioned.  Or any of the other mistakes he made.  Most of them received little media coverage and even less ridicule from comics.The New York Times even...

In a desperate behind the scenes closed door session the United States has granted China 4 Senate Seats and 8 Congressional Seats in return for China's buying yet another substantial amount of U.S. Debt. China, at this point, technically owns the deed to the United States and felt that it should have some say in what it's rentors are doing with it's property. More as information is reported. (Humor folks - as in Ha Ha, that was funny)

In an amazing act of unconscionable hubris, in the midst of an economic crisis, President George W. Bush has decided to appear on the Tonight Show. That's right, the Tonight Show. Does he think he's Justin Timberlake? This is a callous waste of resources during a tough economic time. Millions of dollars will need to be spent to transport motorcades across the country, and establish security and accommodations for his entourage in this self indulgent display. Furthermore, our emperor has decided to declare himself tout in chief by blessing his unworthy subjects to his March Madness picks. As if we...

Breaking News! (Wasilla, Alaska) Republican Gov. Sarah Palin is being named as a possible conspirator in a weapons theft case reportedly occurring several years ago....

Let me place today needful comment upon the pitiful, washed-up members of the hateful Republican Party. Surrender. You have no hope. You are destined to become a mere useless fixture in history who’s time has come and has gone – much as the Whig Party or underarm deodorant.