I'm so stupid, I signed up and got the Zot.

[hk409]

THIS SITE IS ZOT!

GIMME A BRAKE ALREADY! YOU GUYS MUST BE THE BIGEST MORONS ON THE WORLD! THE BIGEST MORONS NEXT TO THAT SOFTWARE COMPANY I USED TO VISIT SIX YEARS AGO! OY YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! YOY! EACH TIME I TRYED TO POST SOMETHING NO MATTER HOW SMART! NO MATTER HOW CONSERVATIVE! EVEN IF I BEND OVER BACK AND DO BACK FLIPS AND THEN BEND OVER FOR THAT DUMB LIBERAL WE UNFORTUNATELY ELECTED! EVEN IF SPELL CHECKER ARE WORKING I STILL GET THEN KICKED OFF!! THEN ZOTTED!! WHY? IS IT JUST BECAUSE I WRITE SO BRILLIANT? BOB RUNS THINGS HERE!? OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. MAEYBE PEEPLE LIKE JJFATE AND NOAH HORSEFLY IS ASKING FOR IT BUT WHAT ABOUT ME!

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

It really is. You just take the left over dressing and slice and fry it.

You can also just make the fresh dressing into patties and fry it. Cooks up nice and quick should you have forgotten to put it in the oven and just noticed it hanging out in the refrigerator when you go to get the cranberry salad about five minutes before you are to sit down to eat.

Not that such a thing would ever happen to me. :)

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

:Pauses:

Oh, yes that could be a problem.

[NicknamedBob]

If we're starting to talk about food, need I remind our passengers that we have a fully stocked kitchen aboard, should someone wish to volunteer...

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Well cakes are out because baking at this altitude we would wind up with soup.

Hmmm chocolate soup....

[sionnsar]

"Can we pop on over to Switzerland...?"
Gimme a break, willya? These jet engines don't run on bovine flatulence.

Hm. The explicit naming of "bovine" here implies that some other variety will suffice. What would that be, pray tell? Sheep (got lots of those in the Highlands)?

[sionnsar]

The unofficial Scottish national anthem, also called "Bruce's Address to the Troops" (and definitely feistier than the one in "Braveheart"), and the first tune every Highland piper learns.

Scots Wha Hae

Scots wha hae wae Wallace bled,
Scots wham Bruce hae aftimes led,
Welcome tae your gory bed,
Or tae victory
Nows the day and nows the hour,
See the front o battle lour,
See approach proud Edwards power,
Chains and slavery.

Wha will be a traitor knave,
Wha can fill a cowards grave
Wha sae base as be a slave,
let him turn and flee,
Wha for Scotlands king and law,
Freedoms sword will strongly draw,
Freeman stand and freeman fa,
let him follow me.

By oppressions woes and pains,
By your sons in servile chains,
We will drain our dearest veins,
But they shall be free.
Lay the proud usurpers low,
Tyrants fall in every foe,
Liberty's in every blow,
let us do or dee.

[GVnana]

Very cool! I'm bookmarking that one under "historic reference".

[sionnsar]

Very cool! I'm bookmarking that one under "historic reference".

It's modern Scots and you're bookmarking it under "historic reference"? *\;-)

The strangest thing we encountered in Scotland was while we were in Glasgow hunting for our B&B, and we were asked for directions by a Scottish girl (I guess we looked like locals). I don't know where she was from, I'm guessing from accent a distance north of Edinburgh, but we were barely able to understand each other at all. Had no trouble at all any other time there (we were around Scots a lot here).

[GVnana]

The Sleeping Scotsman
Bryan Bowers

Oh a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled round til he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off unto the grass to sleep beside street.

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, Oh he stumbled off unto the grass to sleep beside the street.

Well about that time two young and lovely ladies happened by
And one said to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"Oh see yon sleepy Scotsman, so strong and handsome built?"
"Well I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilts?"

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, "Oh I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilts."

Well they snuck up to that sleeping Scotsman, quiet as could be
And they lifted up his kilt a little bit so they might see
And there before their startled eyes, beneath that Scottish skirt,
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

Well they marvelled for a moment, then one said, "We must be gone."
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift, they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt beneath did show.

Well the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree,
And as he lifted up his kilt, he gawks at what he sees,
And in a strangled voice, he says to what's before his eyes,
"I don't know where ye been, laddie, but I see ye took first prize!"

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, "I don't know where ye been, me lad, but I see ye took first prize!"

Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street,
He hadn't gone ten yards or more, when a girl he chanced to meet.
She said, "I've heard what's 'neath that kilt, tell me is it so." He said, "Just put your hand up miss, if you'd really like to know."

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, He said, "Just put your hand up miss, if you'd really like to know."

She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes.
She said, "Why sir that's gruesome," and then she heard him roar,
"If you put your hand up once again you'll find it grew some more."

Ring-ding diddle diddle aye-dee-oh, ring dye diddly-aye oh, "If you put your hand up once again you'll find it grew some more."

[Knitting A Conundrum]

While you're learning the Gaelic, you need to be learnin' the Scots as well...I dinna ken if the lass you were talking with mostly had slangy speech, but there are some that still speak some dialects of Scots that are pretty far away from the English we speak. Not quite modern English...It's more than just a dialect, too...it's relationship to English is sort of sisters, both descended from Middle English...

But, now, after the talk o' food sent me to do some cooking, I give you anither bit o' song:

Hark when the night is falling
Hear! hear the pipes are calling,
Loudly and proudly calling,
Down thro' the glen.
There where the hills are sleeping,
Now feel the blood a-leaping,
High as the spirits
of the old Highland men.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud
standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave.

High in the misty Highlands,
Out by the purple islands,
Brave are the hearts that beat
Beneath Scottish skies.
Wild are the winds to meet you,
Staunch are the friends that greet you,
Kind as the love that shines
from fair maiden's eyes.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud
standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave.

.

Far off in sunlit places,
Sad are the Scottish faces,
Yearning to feel the Kiss
Of sweet Scottish rain.
Where tropic skies are beaming,
Love sets the heart a-dreaming,
Longing and dreaming
for the homeland again.

Towering in gallant fame,
Scotland my mountain hame,
High may your proud
standards gloriously wave,
Land of my high endeavour,
Land of the shining river,
Land of my heart for ever,
Scotland the brave.

[Knitting A Conundrum]

I will admit that the versions I ha'e heard most leave out the last two stanzas...

[GVnana]

Yeah. The adult version is a bit more rogueish. :)

[sionnsar]

Now those are stirring words!

Far off in sunlit places,
Sad are the Scottish faces,
Yearning to feel the Kiss
Of sweet Scottish rain.

Sigh. I have to make do with Seattle, until I can return again.

I'm told that the sad song "Chi Mi Na Morbheanna" ("I See the Great Mountains"), of a longing to return home, was written by an emigre during the Clearances. When his boat, full of displaced Scots, neared Nova Scotia, the mountains reminded them so much of home they were all reduced to tears.

[Knitting A Conundrum]

I live at the foot of a mountain someone named Ben Lomond because it reminded him of home...

And yet, and yet, of the Celtic races, the Scots and the Irish have managed to spread their seed far and wide around the world...

My family's an example of that...I have more Scots names in my family lines than English...some lowland, some perhaps highland, and one probably from the Orkneys...

[Dead Corpse]

> Two peanuts walk into a rowdy bar.
> One was assaulted.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> A jumper cable walks into a bar.
> The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> A sandwich walks into a bar.
> The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
> under his arm and says "A beer please, and one for the road."
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two antenna meet on a roof, fall in love and
> get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
> was great.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two cannibals are eating a clown.
> One says to the other, "Does this taste funny
> to you?"
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two cows are standing next to each other in a
> field. Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially
> inseminated this morning."
> "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two hydrogen atoms meet.
> One says, "I've lost my electron."
> The other says, "Are you sure?"
> The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
> says, "My dog's cross-eyed.
> Is there anything you can do for him?"
> "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
> him."
> So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes,
> checks his teeth, etc.
> Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put
> him down."
> "What? Just because he's cross-eyed???"
> "No, because he's really, really heavy."
> -----------------------------------------------
> I went to a seafood disco last week... and
> pulled a mussel.
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
> Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
> and when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for
> all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> What do you call a fish with no eye?
> A fsh.

[Knitting A Conundrum]

Here's another homesick one...

Far frae my hame I wander, but still my thoughts return
To my ain folk ower yonder, in the shieling by the burn.
I see the cosy ingle, and the mist abune the brae:
And joy and sadness mingle, as I list some auld-warld lay.
And it's oh! but I'm longing for my ain folk,
Tho' they be but lowly, puir and plain folk:
I am far beyond the sea, but my heart will ever be
At home in dear auld Scotland, wi' my ain folk.
O' their absent ane they're telling
The auld folk by the fire:
And I mark the swift tears welling
As the ruddy flame leaps high'r.
How the mither wad caress me were I but by her side:
Now she prays that Heav'n will bless me,
Tho' the stormy seas divide.
And it's oh! but I'm longing for my ain folk,
Tho' they be but lowly, puir and plain folk:
I am far beyond the sea, but my heart will ever be
At home in dear auld Scotland, wi' my ain folk.

[tuliptree76]

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! I missed the excursion. :-(

[international american]

ZOT

[international american]

:)

[international american]

:)